I am a dreamer. I have always been a dreamer. I imagine I always will be. Part of my dream is this blog. I have a vision for where this little piece of internet real estate will go and I have a plan set in place to get from where I am now, to where I want to be in the next five years. What I don’t have is the magic wand that makes each day go just the way I would have it go so that dream becomes my reality.
This week as I have tried to finish the research I wanted to accomplish to write a week long comparison of Donald Trump and Alexander Hamilton in the wake of the Mueller Report, I have found reality standing in the way of my dreams. Not squelching the dream, per se, but definitely reminding me of my reality. My reality looks a little like this:
I am a mother. I have five children. I home school four of those children, plus a bonus child. In this season of home schooling, I have two beautiful young women who are preparing to graduate. They are finishing the final projects of their final year, and as they do their part, I am planning and preparing for the celebrations that will close out this part of their schooling experience. Molly is a Junior and I find this third year of high school to be the hardest year of schooling. She is wrapping up the most challenging classes of the high school curriculum. The younger two are wrapping up their elementary school work and a better part of my time is spent in grading papers for them. Oh how I hate to grade math papers.
My oldest, Noah, is completing his Junior year of college, at a great, but very expensive private university. To try and mitigate the financial impact on his future, I work a part time job. My days start at 4:00 a.m. so I can complete my work and get home to school the children. I enjoy this job and have, recently, enjoyed more responsibilities, which I am excited about, but have required more of my time than normal.
I share these things, not as a complaint, nor a “humble brag,” but as an explanation of the reality of life that sometimes become a hurdle to this particular dream. I have been frustrated in my ability to balance all the things this week. Unexpected life happens. Cars won’t run, illnesses shut down days, service providers don’t show up on time, and sometimes you just have to sleep.
In my worst moments of this week, I have been frustrated that my dream chasing has been halted. Thankfully, these worst moments have been brief. My prevailing thoughts have returned over and over to the reality that the best dreams happen when your eyes are wide open.
The truth is I am living a dream I did not have to chase, but instead was given to me as a gift. All other dreams I may pursue lie on the back of this dream: my motherhood. This week I am nurturing the dream of raising my children and handling the life they bring. It is the best adventure of my life because it is full of twists and turns, unexpected days and horrible writing delays. There is no dream bigger than this one. None more important to me. So this week, and I imagine, a week or two in the future, the very real dream of this blog will have to take backseat to the bigger dream, the dream of raising people who follow big dreams and make big impacts, first to their families, and then the world.